dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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