I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
