i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need moral support for this bender
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
