He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
