Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize