i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
