He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
