Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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