why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can't motorboat a personality
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
