Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
