I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
