Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
