just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
