that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
