So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
