I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
