we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
