Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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