When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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