i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize