I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
