Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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