He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
