I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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