Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
