I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
