you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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