so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
