So drunk its hurt
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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