We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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