My liver just broke up with me...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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