I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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