Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize