i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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