There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
