holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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