I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
