apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize