The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
