So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
