I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
