i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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