I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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