is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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