The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
barbara walters just said penis...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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