She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
