she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize