bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
