I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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