you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
