shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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