Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
