wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
