I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
