Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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