Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
