I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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