i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
