My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
