Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
