Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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