Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you traded sex for a burrito?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
