so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
