I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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