hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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