At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
