Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
