google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I love you.
Bad choice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
