after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
