So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
