Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize