I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
