maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's always time for handjobs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
