so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
